I got a few winks of sleep. Still not feeling well though... but better than the earlier two posts showed. Being depressed and exhausted is better than full-blown psychosis. I've since deleted them because it was so dark and bleak and depressing.... full of rage and anger directed at things and people to which and whom they had no responsibility and true culpability whatsoever.
I've decided to quit training Kungfu. Temporarily? Maybe. But this feels permanent. It's something I've considered before, but recent events and contemplation have pushed my mind, body, and soul into the new direction.
I still have a lot of thinking to do, a lot of careful pondering. The decision I made changes a lot of things with me. Changes in time management. Changes in long term planning. Changes in life goals. Changes in personal relationships. Changes financially.
"You could always go back.", some would say.
But I can't. Not when I no longer am capable of performing the feats demanded there to the best of my ability. Not when I no longer believe in the system. Not when I no longer have absolute confidence in the founder, something I lost several months ago.
So... why is it still feels so difficult a decision?
.... Pondering.
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