Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Day 3 of the home vacation

I'm enjoying this... although sometimes I do get a bit bored...  There's something to be said about having a routine and some tasks put before you...

I just have to find more tasks. :)

Monday, October 27, 2008

Orchestra revisited

I played in a concert tonight... it was a scene that is so familiar in my artistic life, but it held special meaning this time. I looked around and saw many a disgruntled musician, because the conductor wasn't that great, especially with the way he rehearsed. Wasn't fun for me at times either, but the end result of the concert was pretty good.

To these people, I can definitely say, "You don't know how good you have it." When you have something in your life taken away, because of difficult times or circumstances, and it comes back, you feel this tremendous wave of gratitude and appreciation for that thing revisited.

Music as a performance art is coming back to me, and I am lucky.


I'm taking my first real vacation since I began working at my new job... It was long overdue, and the relief is indeed very welcome as I now have time to do things for myself instead of others for a change. Not that there is anything wrong with service to others, but I felt I was neglecting my personal and spiritual core.

I haven't planned what to do yet... it most likely will be restricted to exploring the city on my own terms. There something about being a New Yorker, and how you can live in the city, but not really know it. Sure, you know directions to various places, how to negotiate the subways or buses... but it's like driving along the road but not smelling the roses.

I have an Unlimited Metrocard, and I plan to use it. :) Let's see what I can explore!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Projections on life

As you all may already know, I play far less and practice far less than I used to several years ago. Life gets in the way, and reality has a way of rearing its' ugly head.

I played a lot of etudes, and went through some Bach sonatas, and am instant transported back to my conservatory days, when life seemed more carefree and joyful.

Music is now a secondary job for me, but I still entertain ambitions for returning to music as a primary focus and job. My current job as a network administrator has its own rewards, but as much as I like the people I work with, and even some of the clients we work for, it isn't something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life.

So... I'm starting to set some short term and long term goals for myself... this blog, neglected as it has become, is still a sort of affirmation reading for myself and others that know me.

Short term goals:
  • Get out of debt. Credit cards and loans, when it was clear I was going to get laid off from conducting, dug me in to a deep hole. Some of it was with silly purchases, but a lot of it went into computer training in desperation for a new source of income. I'm happy to report that since I started working at Cybercity, I've used the considerably larger income stream to lop off nearly $16,000 in debts and car payments. I'm less than $2000 away from paying off my car. I'm less than $2000 away from paying off the last credit card. There's finally light at the end of the tunnel, but I can't let up.
  • Renew my committment to music. My skills aren't all gone, but I remember playing so much better before. It'll start with trying to find a few more minutes each day just getting basics in, to restore the firm base from which to play more performances. I've sort of dropped off the radar of the music scene, but if I start performing more, my presence will become known again.
  • Restore connections both old and new. I've become a hermit. Single-minded focus on the job, my training, and my own problems has stripped me of relationships and friendships. Now that things are looking up, I should try to get out much more, and start enjoying myself with others again, outside of what I already do. It might mean less time doing what I do now, but I'll find a balance.

Long term goals:

  • Become independent. My parents have been a blessing, especially with this economy, in letting me stay this long. I'm way behind because I've been chasing dreams without regard to planning. Now that debt is no longer as much of a huge burden, I can start building some savings towards my own housing. They've even offered me some assistance, but if I can keep busting my ass at work doing network administration and teaching flute, I hopefully can put the down payment on some sort of co-op or condo. In this current economy, that might be a near impossibility, but I must be patient and diligent.
  • Become a student again. I honestly don't want to be a network administrator for the rest of my working life... it's not something I think I was put on this planet to do, even though I've done a decent job with it. I want to go back to school sometime within the next 4 or 5 years. Probably DMA for Flute, and maybe something for conducting.
  • Become a professor. Many say it is what I should do. But first I must become a true student again. Then I would want to work in some sort of college or conservatory, passing on what knowledge and skills others have worked so hard to instill in me. It'd be a shame to let that go to waste.
  • Become a husband. To say that my dating history is chaotic would be a monumental understatement. It's a trail of broken hearts and shattered dreams. However, I still hope to one day find the perfect woman for me, even though time is no longer as abundant to do so as it once was.
  • Become a father. Consider it a biological imperative to do so, but more importantly, it is how us as humanity make a mark on this world. I don't know how good of a father I could be, but to have son(s) or daughter(s) would be a blessing.

There's probably more that should be added to this list, but typing is not the same as doing. :)

No better time than now. See you next post.